The feeling of being submerged underwater.

Just a little feeling I feel sometimes.

Sometimes it stays for days, sometimes it's for hours, sometimes it's a moment. My way to cope with it is to just acknowledge it, observe my surrounding, and try to think of a thing or two that made me feel better. The feeling wouldn't go away immediately, but it gives some room to breathe. Then, I can (kind of) enjoy being in that state, as it becomes quiet, calm, and peaceful.

This time, it was 'the act of painting,' which is odd yet greatly satisfying since just thinking of painting made me choke for the past few months. Not so much anymore.

I've noticed change, I used to approach painting, or even just a drawing, with a plan, everything from the beginning to an end. The plan would shift and change along with the progress, but never started a piece without it. Recently, it's 'do first, think later.' It may be because I'm doing (somewhat weird) experiments with paint, or because I told myself to paint for myself, not for anything else; no competitions, no shows, no nothing. Just, paint, and see what happens, and just keep on going. (I did, although, give myself a deadline, so I wouldn’t give up.),

So, yes, as we’re standing almost at the end of January (and this being the first post in the blog), I feel a little better than ok, I’m happy with the things I’ve done so far this year, and excited for more to come.

I'm ok. Even when I'm not.